Love is blinding. But like love, also lust can blur our vision.
A sultry look, swift eye contact. A desire that might be forbidden… watering our mouths while thinking about it.
This piece is exactly about that feeling. I met this person on the dance floor of a late summer festival, somewhere in Europe. Warm night, dancing all day, feeling of ecstacy all around, feeling the music in our bodies and eyes locked on the dance floor. A classic summer love story.
Except, that this person was in an open relationship and his partner was also present. I wasn’t just dancing with one person, but with two. I ended up with conflicting desires – they agreed not to be intimate with others while being at the festival together. I wanted to honour her and their relationship – but I desired him. Badly. The desire had built so intensely in this week of not being able to act upon it, that it made my whole body react when I would see him.I felt like a kid playing with fire – exciting and risky.
Where do we draw the line, where is our responsibility, should we take a step back or follow our desire and allow this feeling of pleasure?
Where do we accept responsibility, are we the one to blame if it does go south? Or can we say, this is not my terrain?
It challenged me in many ways, more then I anticipated. The feeling of loneliness I felt after, when I was by myself in my bed. Dreaming of an embrace that was not mine to crave. The jealousy, the feeling of heartbreak. The boundaries I had to set for myself, and showing up for it. Even though I was not in their relationship, I was still part of this and had a say. My feelings and needs also had a place in this. It taught me that I need more than just being in a sexual relation with someone, I need to be able to express love and feel safe too.